The World's Best
Jokes App

• Donald Trump walks into a bar
  and promptly lowers it
• Why are Muslims also worried about Trump's immigration plans?
  Once you deport Juan, you deport Jamal
• Steve Jobs would have made a better president than Trump...
  But I guess you can't compare Apples to Oranges
• Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall...
  On the condition he gets to install Windows
• If I were American, I'd vote for Bernie Sanders...
  But I'm Russian, so I'm voting Trump

• My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction
  So I packed up my stuff and right
• Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears
  11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian
• I bought some shoes from a drug dealer
  I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
• If a child refuses to sleep during nap time
  Are they guilty of resisting a rest?

• I have a friend who drinks too much beer at parties and makes everybody uncomfortable
  He's a Corona non grata
• What happens when you drink too much Corona?
  A Coronal mass ejection
• If you ever see a woman drinking a Corona
  you should ask her out immediately, because you know she'll swallow anything

• Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayo
  - Cole's Law
• What's the best thing about Switzerland?
  I don't know, but their flag is a huge plus
• Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road
  I asked him, 'What's the word on the street?'
• A G N B
  That's bang out of order

• What do you get when you mix a helicopter, and elephant and a rhino?
  Hell if I know...
• I made a book about helicopters
  It really took off
• A pilot walks into a bar & asks for a packet of helicopter flavoured crisps
  "Sorry" says the bartender, "We only have plane"

• Why does Britain like tea so much?
  Because tea leaves
• How many Brits does it take to change a light bulb?
  None. The Brits are too busy screwing themselves
• What did Britain say to its trade partners?
  See EU later
• How much space will Brexit free up in the EU?
  1 GB

• Yo mama so fat...
  People jog around her for exercise
• Yo momma is so fat...
  I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing
• Yo mama so fat...
  Dora can't even explore her

That Matter Baby joke

"Would you rather eat 100 bricks or a matter baby?"
- "What's a matter baby?"
"Nothing, I'm fine sweetie. How are you?"

That Baby Yoda joke

Knock knock
- Who's there?
Baby Yoda
- Baby Yoda who?
Baby Yoda one for me

Prince Andrew Jokes

What's the difference between Prince Andrew and a roller coaster?
You have to be a over 5ft to ride a roller coaster